Sex and the single Pinay - By Ella Reyes

(I came across an eye opening article in the inquirer)

HERE'S my problem: I really want to have sex.

Okay, let me clarify: I'm a single, unattached Filipina who does not want or need a relationship right now. But I am honest enough to admit that I do have urges (yes, urges that the Catholic Church would rather completely ignore, much less indulge), but I am too scared to engage in casual sex out of fear not of eternal damnation but of eternal infection.

Since I can hear you out there already chomping at the bit, ready to remind me about how many people I'm offending, let me hasten to qualify my statements.

Firstly, I don't believe that all single Filipinas share my opinions. The single Pinay in the title refers to me, a single Pinay.

Secondly, I don't believe that sex is a bad, dirty thing that we shouldn't mention in polite or educated company. For some, it can be something approximating the sharing of souls. Ideally, it should be something shared by responsible and mature adults. In reality, some people think of it as an itch that has to be scratched. I fall somewhere between the last two categories. I think it's one of those healthy urges everyone has (yes, including women) but which should not be indulged unless one is: (a) psychologically, emotionally and physically healthy, and (b) responsible for the consequences.

Lastly, I am not advocating anything. Call this a letter of complaint or a letter-request, just don't call me an advocate. I'm not about to champion any cause because this is too personal and our society is just not ready for it. Capisce?

If I were into a fairly stable relationship, this would probably not be a problem. My partner would probably be more than willing to "help" me in my time of need. However, I have a healthy sex drive and a highly imaginative mind, which would probably send my boyfriend into paroxysms of ecstasy during the act but drive him into the depths of despondency over questions about my "appetite." He would probably wonder if I have a sickness (let's face it: although they fantasize about having one for a partner, no Pinoy would actually want a serious relationship with a possible "nymphomaniac"), which would be the first step toward the decline of our relationship. That would be the end of my sex life with this particular partner. Besides, all I really want is the sex, and none of the why-haven't-you-called-don't-you-love-me-anymore-why-aren't-you-more-like-my-mom questions that come with most relationships.

If I were into casual sex, again this would probably not be a problem. I don't think that a man would need several gallons of liquor poured down his throat in order to make him want to sleep with me (or so I tell myself). I have had offers -- mostly from construction workers, I admit, but, hey, they've got fabulous bodies, what with all that lifting (which makes me think of the positions we could get into).

There are problems with this scenario though. One, I would require a complete physical examination of the man (yes, all the tests for sexually transmitted diseases), and I would prefer someone who's firing blanks, if you know what I mean, and double protection as well (condoms and the pill). Now, no one who's looking for truly casual sex would bother with all these niceties. They'd probably look for someone who's an easy, hmmm, partner.

Two, I'm not very good at handling awkward situations, i.e. after sex. Do we talk? Do we exchange phone numbers in case we need a convenient partner again? Do we cuddle? Maybe if someone would come up with an etiquette guide or something…

Lastly, I would want a written guarantee that I'd be getting good sex. Really good sex. Unfortunately, though a lot of men may talk the talk, very few of them can actually deliver the goods. So no, casual sex is out.

The easy solution to my dilemma is to hire a partner. Yes, one of those provided by "escort services." You see them everywhere (but under more polite names). But then they all cater to men.

Men who want a convenient woman -- or even a convenient man -- have no problems procuring such services. We accept and acknowledge that men have sex drives. We even look the other way when they indulge those sex drives so long as they're not forcing anyone or poaching on someone. But women? Ha!

Now the religious and some feminists must be preparing to challenge my ideas. Yes, this is base. But if you would be truly honest, we all have very basic instincts. It's just that we've had pounded into our superegos that sex is "dirty."

With regard to the moral question concerning prostitution, I lean more toward the position of some European countries where the practice is legal and safe. Take the moral high horse if you want, I prefer a different ride.

And yes, there are some who claim it will "lower" women to the levels of knuckle-dragging men. What, may I ask, is so demeaning about admitting that you have a sex drive? Why should people who claim to have my best interests at heart deprive me of that?

So my problem remains: I really want to have sex. I don't think it's a problem that will have a solution any time soon. But there are alternatives at hand -- if you get my drift. But that should be the topic of another piece.

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Ella Reyes, 27, is the pseudonym of a schoolteacher who is worried about being ostracized by her Catholic superiors for the views she has expressed in this piece.
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:: Bing Tuesday, October 08, 2002 [+] ::
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