:: Balisawsaw ::These are just rantings of a Fool.
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My SAD Chat Friend.
I haven't heard from my Sad Chat Friend for a while. We got to chatting last night and I got this Gem from her:
Dearest one,
Before, thinking of you is enough to lift my spirits, because the mere thought of you holds the promise of love and happiness. Everyday, I wake up feeling a sense of excitement for the future, an expectation of great things to come because you are in my future. Every night, I sleep with satisfaction, a wave of calm and peace blanketing me because I know that I've found where I belong-in your heart. Whenever loneliness knocks at my door, he would shamefully leave when he sees you in my hopeful eyes because I'm no longer alone. You are with me and I with you.
But now, I can not begin to tell you how I feel. Everyday, I wake up with numbness, knowing that the day is yet another drag for me to get by. Every night, I sleep in fear, knowing that I'm again lost. I feel so small. I am in so much pain; it is like a vacuum sucking my whole being. No amount of tears can wash away the hurt, the pain, the sorrow.
I was on top of the world when reality burst my bubble. I know that the only way that I can be free of suffering is to let go of you. But how can I when everything about me screams for you?
Ngayon kapag naalala kita, di ko maiwasan ang lumuha. Kung naipagbibili lang nga ang luha, siguro mayaman na ako ngayon. Umuwi ka na lang kaya rito tapos magbenta na lang tayo ng sago? Ayaw mo talaga? Hanggang ngayon, kapag naiisip ko kung gaano kita kamahal, lagi pa rin akong nabibigla. Akala ko wala nang hihigit sa "mahal kita", pwede pala na "mahal na mahal kita". Kasi ganun ang nararamdaman ko ngayon.
I'd like to think that somehow my love for you has matured. Before, I would find myself very obsessive about you. I could only think of you and how you are. You were like a drug that I got addicted to. A day without talking with you is devastation for me. But now, I have learned to trust my love for you. We may talk over the phone or see each other but I know that love is there and it will lead me to you. I know this sounds crazy, but if my heart will have its way, it will wait for you for eternity.
Ang lungkot lungkot ko lang, dearest one. Minsan parang gusto ko nang mabaliw sa nakakarinding sakit na bumabalot sa aking katauhan. Hindi ko maintindihan kung bakit kita nakilala ngunit di kita maaaring angkinin magpakailanman.
If there is something in store for us in the future, it better be good. Letting you go should be worth it.
A SAD CHAT FRIEND.
:: Bing Thursday, November 28, 2002
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