Humor : Phil Politics

Cory Aquino watches “Mano Po 2” everyday and cries everytime...
Dito lang kasi niya nakita na ikinasal si Kris!

Bakit sa Pilipinas kung mag-aaply ka ng clerk kailangan college graduate ka, pero kung mag-aaply ka for president, high school drop-out ok na? Just curious ha.. bakit???

Noong araw, ERAP na ERAP na.
Ngayon ARROY, AROY!,
wag na POE, wag na POE.
Baka maLACSON ang KABAYAN natin at magka ROCCO ROCCO ang buhay natin.

GMA: Economic mind
ROCO: academic mind
EDDIE: Godly mind
LOREN: changeable mind
NOLI: no mind
PING: mastermind
FPJ: Never mind!

Lights, camera, action!
Starring FPJ
Directed by ERAP
Script by ED ANGARA
Produced by DANDING COJUANGCO Sa pelikulang, “BAYAN KO, TODAS KA!”

Presidentiables have records:
GMA: D Pidal case
ROCCO has textbook scam
LACSON has kuratong baleleng
Only FPJ has no records -
not even school records! Nanay ko po!

Bush, FPJ and Erap are talking about crime.
Bush: How is your PAROLE system over there?
FPJ: Oh, we hang them every Christmas.
ERAP: Pare, tama ka, ganon din ang sagot ko!

FPJ walking in NY.
Prosti 1: Do you like handjob?
FPJ: No, thanks.
Prost 2: Psst. Like blowjob?
FPJ: No, thanks. Dapat pala, dito sa NY nagpupunta ang mga OCW natin. Ang daming JOB openings!

Erap and FPJ, on the way to Disneyland, see a sign that reads:
“DISNEYLAND LEFT.”
ERAP: Sayang, hindi natin naabutan.
FPJ: O nga, agahan na lang natin bukas.

KNOCK! KNOCK!
Mother Lily: Who’s there?
Susan Roces: Effigy.
Mother Lily: Effigy who?
Susan Roces: Effigy is my husband.

Reporter: What political slogan will you attach to your initials “FPJ?” For Peace and Justice?
FPJ: No. “For Pareng Joseph!”

For love of country and to unite the opposition,
Lacson has agreed to be the First Lady of FPJ.

Telephone survey conducted by the Bishops Conference:
“Iboboto n’yo ba si FPJ?
“If NO, press 1.
“If YES, press 68795632523162956752365922.”

PAALALA lang po sa mga boboto kay FPJ: Okay isulat sa balota ang POE o KING. Huwag lamang po ipagsabay, dahil malaswa ang:
POE KING for PRESIDENT!

FPJ TO NPA: Sumuko na kayo.
NPA: Di kami susuko pag di mo maispel ang CEASEFIRE.
FPJ: Tangina ninyo. TULOY ANG GYERA!

Wala nang atrasan para kay Ping! Hindi kayang pigilan ni Danding, Noli at FPJ. Abangan! Tuloy na ang pagkakandidato ni Ping sa 2004 Binibining Pilipinas!

NEWS BREAK! Nagkasakit si FPJ sa kakaisip ng solusyon sa mga problema ng Pilipinas.
LIBRENG SINE pa lang ang naiisip niya.

Erap wrote an order to the grocer: “Please send me goose.”
Erap: Mali ata.
Sulat uli: “Please send me 2 gooses.” Mm... mali rin a.
FPJ: Pare, ganito na lang ang isulat mo: “Please send me 1 goose. P.S. - at isa pa!”

FPJ & Erap in a museum. (FPJ looking at a mummy)
FPJ: Pare, ano’ng ibig sabihin nitong 1300 B.C.?
Erap: Pare, yan ang plate number ng nakabangga sa kanya.

To my Philippine-based friends and relatives, always remember these wise words of a Filipino philosopher:
PICK YOUR FRIEND.
PICK YOUR NOSE.
BUT DO NOT PICK YOUR FRIEND’S NOSE.

And finally, my wise advice as a public service to my U.S. vased friends and relatives: DO NOT OPEN YOUR DOOR WHILE IN THE FREEWAY.

:: Bing Wednesday, February 04, 2004 [+] ::
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